Wednesday, January 2, 2013

IUI #1 = BFN Sad, Sad, Sad

Lots to catch you up on!  It's been a while since my last post so here it is in a nutshell!

The months of September, October, and November were spent doing acupuncture.  I went once to twice a week for an hour long acupuncture session involving both needles and cupping.  In addition, I drank twice daily traditional Chinese herbal tea.  While each month ended up with a BFN, I did find myself for the first time with a level head.  My mood enhanced significantly!  Before the acupuncture,  I was crying every single day and quite depressed.  I felt as though I had no control over my emotions.  A few weeks after staRting the treatments, I found myself going much longer intervals without bursting into tears for no apparent reason until one day I realized... wow, I can't even remember the last time I cried!  It didn't get be pregnant, but I'm thankful for the positive impact it had on my emotional well-being.

December was our first month of ovarian stimulation with IUI.  On days 3 - 7 of my cycle I took 100mg Clomid daily.  On day 9, I gave myself an injection of Bravelle.  On day 12 I had a transvaginal ultrasound in which the RE noted I had two mature follicles and 3 less mature follies.  That evening I gave myself an injection of Novarel.  On day 14 of my cycle I had the IUI.  They inject 106 million little swimmers into my uterus.  DH and I were very hopeful!  Unfortunately, today the dreaded AF came and I can confirm our first cycle turned out to be a BFN.

As you can imagine, I'm totally bummed.  I've cried pretty much all day long.  My eyes are swollen and red.  I have not made it out of the house today.  The menstrual pain from my endometriosis certainly does not make the situation any better.  Frankly, it's a HUGE SLAP IN THE FACE.  Hey, you're not pregnant... and here are some KILLER CRAMPS while you're at it.  My cramps are terrible today and I've had cramping this entire month (I think from the fertility drugs!).  Ughhh!  SO VERY DISAPPOINTED AND DISCOURAGED.  I have a follow-up Ultrasound scheduled in two days to check for any cyst formation.  The sad news is DH will be out of the country next month during my ovulation week, so we have to skip a month of trying.  Ughh again! FRUSTRATING!

I'm hormonal, crampy, sad, disappointed, discouraged, angry, stressed, anxious, and in an all around sour mood.  Mostly, I'm just sad!  Sad, sad, sad!

Tomorrow is a new day!  Tomorrow is a new day!

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