It's been a while since my last post... I started to slip away into the dreaded hole of social and emotional isolation. I even told my husband at one point about a month ago I wanted to find a place in the woods to live for the winter and "hibernate". I was tired of facing reality and the hard truth that I can not make my dream to be a mother come true. I have cried EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past several months. I realized I do not have a good handle on this situation and therefore it was time for me to reach out and seek help. I was given the name of two therapists in my area only to call and find out NEITHER of them are taking new patients. I hung up the phone both times in tears thinking this can't possibly be happening. It took me hours to build up the courage to make the phone call and then to be rejected at a time of great need... my stomach dropped and I felt helpless. I have cried like a child, unable to catch my breath. People have asked me if I have allergies because my eyes seem swollen and I tuck my head and say "yes, my allergies are quite bad this time of year." I'm embarrassed to tell someone the reason I am so anxious and depressed is because I can't have a child. Certainly, there are far worse things in life?!? But, not for me!
Without being able to control my desire to have a child, I've desperately tried to control everything else in my life... my diet, exercise, friends, etc.
And then, I found acupuncture.... (to be continued on next post)