Monday, August 27, 2012

Under the Knife

To catch you all up on the happenings in my infertile world I must write a post on what has happened in the past couple of months.  My RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) had a high suspicion I have endometriosis and suggested I undergo a laparoscopy which would be both a diagnostic tool and treatment all in one.  He also suggested I undergo a hysteroscopy to remove the polyp in my uterus.  I took his advice and went to an outpatient surgery center and had both procedures done under general anesthesia at the end of June.  He was correct, I have endometriosis.  I do not, however, have a severe case of it.  He called it a "mild" case and only had to remove endometrial tissue from a few places in my abdominal cavity.  He stated he has high hopes for me and that everything looks "structurally sound".  Well, if it were so 'structurally sound" then why in the heck has it been 16 months and I'm not pregnant?!?  Long story short... I have some answers but still many more questions.  I'm trying to stay positive, but some days it's just REALLY FREAKING HARD to do!  I'm so tired of pregnancy announcements.  I'm tired of not being able to truly be happy for others when they announce they're expecting.  I'm tired of being jealous of them.  I'm tired of sometimes feeling resentful towards others.  I can't lie to myself anymore... YES, I DO FEEL RESENTFUL!  I want to be happy for others, but I hurt so much inside that I sometimes am forbidden from this emotion.  I'm drained.  Some days I think I'm depressed... other days I think I'm doing an amazing job of staying positive.  This emotional roller coaster needs to end! Please Universe... Please.... Please help me to get pregnant or give me the strength to continue this ride....

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